Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
