I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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