I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
