My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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