I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
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