I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
