I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
These tits shall not be calmed
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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