his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
