recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
