took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
