So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
