she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Its about making memories worth repressing
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Acid is not a monday night drug
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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