Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
