Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
