i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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