just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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