he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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