This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
