so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
