You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
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you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
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can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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