I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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