im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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