If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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