told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
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Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
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i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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