please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
