i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Randomize
