And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
