you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
