i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
