we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
