I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
