ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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