Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
