he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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