Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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