last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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