yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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