did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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