i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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