They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
