Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
