just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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