She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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