butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
