Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
