I never want to see another naked old woman again.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
