You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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