I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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