Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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