burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
