his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
