peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
