How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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