This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
