I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
