I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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