Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
