I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
