Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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