Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
