you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
