You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
