How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I got inside last night via doggy door
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
