why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Randomize
