Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
