i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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