Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
