it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i love accidental penises.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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