What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Sacagawea was the original milf.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
