How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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