I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
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THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
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The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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